Even when…

Romans 8:28 (ESV)

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

I don’t know why things happened the way they did.

I don’t know why He told me “This is the one I’ve chosen for you…”

I don’t know why He gave me so many confirmations.

I don’t know why He didn’t answer the prayers of “if he is not the one, shut the door…”

I repeatedly said to Him that my heart could fall for this guy, take him away if he is not from You.

I sought the Lord…

His answer was for me to wait

The questions I had, the things that didn’t make sense, the disappointments, the lack of responses, the silence, the shut outs, the exclusions, the red flags, the anger at questions, , ,

I sought Him for answers…

Day after day he was still there.

So I fell…

          And a year and a half later…

                   He dumped me…

And now I hurt.

Things I know:

There is a purpose

He is breaking something off my life. Like a pruning.

His plan is always better than mine

He works all things for good to them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

He has a plan for me, a plan for good and not evil, a plan to prosper me and not harm me.

He is always faithful.

I will love Him even if…

I know I sought the Lord in this.

I know what He told me.

I was very cautious.

I worked thru the infatuation stage knowing my responses were heightened

I looked, searched, and tried to dig to see the truth.

I was still fooled.

Now I’m confused.

And hurt.

And angry.

And sad.

And lonely, again, still…

Dreams are shattered, again.

Heart is broken, again.

So now I seek the Lord to find out why? What now? Did I hear wrong? Why doesn’t anybody want me? What did I do wrong? What is wrong with me?

And what do I hear??? “I’m not finished with you yet.”

Comfort, Peace, Hope floods in. Tears subside.

I hear it again “I’m not finished with you yet.”

Thank you Lord!

Thank you Lord!

Thank you!

My song for the day started with I still believe by Jeremy Camp then this one played…

 Walk by Faith by Jeremy Camp

Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace 

That is for me today…

I may be broken, but I still see His face

Oh these words say so much!

So I will wait now for His healing.

I will try to give praise in my sorrow.

I have forgiven and will continue to do so.

I will pray for him and truly wish the best for him.

I will grieve and then I will not.

I will learn how to be alone again.

I will live and walk and talk and pursue His dream for my life.

And I will LOVE… Even when it hurts, again.