By Choice.

Here I am, again.
Wishing…
Lord I gave up my dream to You.
I gave it up because it was consuming me.
It was tearing me up inside.
Killing my joy.
I gave it up by choice, not emotionally but knowing that it’s gonna hurt. 
Hurt to not dream a dream I’ve had since a little girl.
A dream that is so ingrained in my heart that it would feel better to die than to extract that dream from my being.
BUT, I know that is what I had to do.
To give it to You knowing it will not come true.
Knowing You have something different in mind for my life.
Knowing it is in the pain that You grow me.
Tonight it hurts.
I try to ignore it.
I try to busy myself.
I try to not obsess.
But it’s there, sliding down my cheeks.

So what do I do with that?

I go back to what I know.
YOU LOVE ME!
You have a plan for my life.
Your plans are better than anything I could dream of.
I trust You Lord.