He who calls you is faithful!

He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it.
1 Thessalonians 5:24 ESV

This is one of the verses I hung on to during the hard times. It talks about God will sanctify us and give us peace. The only reason I did not give up on this dream is because I know God called me to do this. It was not my dream, but God’s dream for me. You have no idea how many times I’ve argued with God about this dream. This has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. Probably second to going through a divorce, not of my choosing. I’ve had emotional upheavals throughout this process besides the stress of going to nursing school 25 years after high school. I’ve had physical challenges as well. But I took one day at a time, kicking and screaming the whole way I might add. 

And GOD did it! He chose me to become more than I ever thought I could be. He brought me through it. I am now a licensed registered nurse.

I still don’t know where He is taking me from here. I pray I will be found faithful wherever He puts me. 

So Lord, thank you from the bottom of my heart for choosing me.
Thank you for the ability to stand when I wanted to run.
Thank you for a dream far beyond any I could imagine.
Thank you for every provision, every prayer friends lifted, and every word of encouragement given. 
I cannot thank You enough Lord!

An Unfortunate Accident

So last night on my “Therapy” session
I had this thought…
It was an unfortunate accident.
Unfortunately I got hurt.

I’ll just leave it at that
I wont try to explain it
It was just an accident.

So Now on to repair the damage…

In this process that I learned while helping dad with the mustang
You got to take all the parts off in the area of the damage
Inspect the structure
Repair or replace any structural damage
Bang out the bent places to a somewhat normal position
Gradually replace part by part
Realigning the structure so that each part comes together in union with each other
Add a part
Realign
Add a part
Realign
When you stand back and look at all the parts strewn around it looks like a mess
But gradually, part after part, it comes together
But that isn’t the end
There is still a lot of work to be done
Putty, Sanding and re-sanding to smooth out the rough spots
Primer and finally painting
Multiple layers of paint
Even when that is done
There is still maintenance...
Cleaning the impurities
Waxing a protective shield
Mechanical work and fixing problems
Refueling
Otherwise neglected
It gets dull, chipped, and the original damage shows up again plus more

Life takes maintenance
A continuous cleaning and maintenance to filter the debris
And sometimes an accident happens
We have to dig down deeper to fix the damage
It takes someone who knows how to fix things to repair the damage
Sometimes it takes a professional

Thank God I have the best professional to fix my damage
The One who knitted me together in the beginning…


This song has been in my head for a week now…
It resonates into my soul.

A Chance for a Miracle  by Jason Crabb
I still walk the street at night
Searching for reasons why
That this has become my life
With every tear I cry
With every tear I cry
That I’m heart-heavy, half way through the midnight hour
Waiting for the sun to rise
Still hoping, still praying there’s an answer waiting on the other side
It might look too difficult
 It might look impossible
But oh, God, let it be
A chance for a miracle
There’s so much I don’t know
Oh, Father, hold me close
Don’t every let me go
‘Cause You’re my only hope
Yes, You’re my only hope
When I’m heart-heavy, half way through the midnight hour
Waiting for the sun to rise
Still hoping, still praying there’s an answer waiting on the other side
It might look too difficult
It might look impossible 
But Oh, God, let it be
A chance for a miracle
Would you open my eyes to see, believe?
A chance for a miracle

By Choice.

Here I am, again.
Wishing…
Lord I gave up my dream to You.
I gave it up because it was consuming me.
It was tearing me up inside.
Killing my joy.
I gave it up by choice, not emotionally but knowing that it’s gonna hurt. 
Hurt to not dream a dream I’ve had since a little girl.
A dream that is so ingrained in my heart that it would feel better to die than to extract that dream from my being.
BUT, I know that is what I had to do.
To give it to You knowing it will not come true.
Knowing You have something different in mind for my life.
Knowing it is in the pain that You grow me.
Tonight it hurts.
I try to ignore it.
I try to busy myself.
I try to not obsess.
But it’s there, sliding down my cheeks.

So what do I do with that?

I go back to what I know.
YOU LOVE ME!
You have a plan for my life.
Your plans are better than anything I could dream of.
I trust You Lord.

Beauty of Heaven

On BLT Midmorning show the topic of the day was “What season would you like to extend for a month…” Many people called, emailed or facebooked their opinion of this question. One pondering was about what heaven would be like…

So as I read my study guide for the women’s fellowship class I’m in attending. I came across a verse in Rev 10:5-7 that spoke of “There will no longer be an interval of time,” so the thought came to mind from the earlier conversation this week…

What if we experience ALL seasons at once…

The beauty of the leaves turning all reds, oranges and yellow’s.

The gorgeous flowers of tulips, roses, lilacs, and sunflowers.

The deep green of the fresh new grass.

The stalk beauty of a bare branched tree standing tall.

The surprise of a fresh new leaf growing from one of those branches.

The fresh new snow fall covering parts of the ground, but wait, there is a bright purple flower poking out.

And look up again and there is a bright red maple tree with a white blanket of snow under it.

Think about it…

Would we ever get tired of the beauty of Heaven?

And don’t forget the sparkle of jewels.

Look in that creek and see the deep tones of jewels, shiny and perfect, under the water and the water is so clear that the depth is unknown.

Add a few sparkles of rubies in that maple tree, the reflection shining on the fresh snow.

I am positive that we could never imagine how much beauty our hearts can take.

Mine is expanding with just the thought of it.

"Let Me in..."

“This is the one I’ve chosen for you.”

That was the beginning of an end.

I sought answers.

I came up with very few.

So many coincidences. Stuff that wasn’t made up. Stuff that meant something. Some being redemption of a past loss.

A relationship with someone who “got me.”

Exciting. Comfortable. Fun.

I kept being cautious telling God that “I could fall for this guy.”

“Take him away if He isn’t from You.”

But he was still there.

Day after day. Month after month.

Yet he never let me in his life…

He wouldn’t tell his family about me

I didn’t meet his friends

I wasn’t a part of his life.

He would shut me out.

He kept me on the surface never letting me in deep.

He didn’t go out of his way to see me

He rarely asked me out.

But when we were together I felt like I was important to him.

Everyday he texted me.

He said he cared.

He told me I was beautiful.

But he never let me inside his thoughts.

Inside his heart.

So is that the way we are with God?

Do we allow Him to touch the surface but never let Him in deep?

Do we open our hearts, thoughts and lives to Him?

God pursues us first.

How far do we go to pursue Him?

Do we invite Him to our family?

Do we tell our friends all about Him?

Do we give Him our deep desires or just keep Him on the surface?

I desired a deeper relationship with him.

I ended up empty.

With a dream.

A hope.

And nothing to show for it.

No relationship.

No love.

A broken heart.

So when God pursues me…

He desires a deeper relationship.

He often ends up empty.

With a dream.

A hope.

And nothing to show for it.

No relationship.

No love.

A broken heart.

Because I don’t let Him in.

I shut Him out.

I’ll give Him this or that but I don’t allow it to go deep.

How long would I have kept waiting for him to invite me in his life?

How long will God keep waiting for me to invite Him into my life?

Worry Box

Matthew 6:25-34 (NLT)
25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing?26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God[a]above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

So as I am trying to figure out what my part of what went wrong in this brokenness, I find myself realizing how much I worry.
About everything…

I never really thought I did that.

Surprise.

So now what do I do? I pull up Joyce Meyer on you tube and listen. She said the answer to anything is to be in the Word of God. To study. To write. To learn. To fight.

Matt 6:25
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life…

Whoopsie.

And later in that passage I find it is really interesting that these verses come right after each other… coincidence… I think not.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

I was shown this verse early in this relationship and took note of it but didn’t put it into action. I didn’t see the second part. Ugh.

So here I am months later seeing it like it was the first time. How do I quit worrying??? Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you. Speaking of food, clothes, and I believe life in itself.

I have been in such a state of worry that I have not enjoyed life. I didn’t enjoy the friendship, the dating, the fun of a relationship because I was so worried he wouldn’t like me, or he would like me or how to do this or am I enough for him or why doesn’t he… why does this not look like… who am I to him… and now it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t care about me like that anymore.

It takes a broken heart to teach me.
It takes a slap in the face to get me to hear.
It takes a dream crushed to see.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, 
and live righteously, 
and he will give you everything you need. 
So don’t worry about tomorrow, 
for tomorrow will bring its own worries. 
Today’s trouble is enough for today.

To put this in to practice I decided that I will make a worry box. I happen to have a basket that will work perfectly for this. I will write any worry I am having at any given time and put it in the box. Everything in the box belongs to God. I can’t take it back. It is His.

Funny thing is I started to write a list of them down and do you think I could think of one?? Nope. But I did start with one later as I was thinking (worrying) about something. I did write it down. And I looked at it. And shed a tear. And a few minutes later I felt lighter…

And tonight I felt good. Had a good conversation. Did some cleaning. Cut flowers. Smiled. And am writing this. Mmmmm. Sounds like something is working. 

Even when…

Romans 8:28 (ESV)

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

I don’t know why things happened the way they did.

I don’t know why He told me “This is the one I’ve chosen for you…”

I don’t know why He gave me so many confirmations.

I don’t know why He didn’t answer the prayers of “if he is not the one, shut the door…”

I repeatedly said to Him that my heart could fall for this guy, take him away if he is not from You.

I sought the Lord…

His answer was for me to wait

The questions I had, the things that didn’t make sense, the disappointments, the lack of responses, the silence, the shut outs, the exclusions, the red flags, the anger at questions, , ,

I sought Him for answers…

Day after day he was still there.

So I fell…

          And a year and a half later…

                   He dumped me…

And now I hurt.

Things I know:

There is a purpose

He is breaking something off my life. Like a pruning.

His plan is always better than mine

He works all things for good to them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

He has a plan for me, a plan for good and not evil, a plan to prosper me and not harm me.

He is always faithful.

I will love Him even if…

I know I sought the Lord in this.

I know what He told me.

I was very cautious.

I worked thru the infatuation stage knowing my responses were heightened

I looked, searched, and tried to dig to see the truth.

I was still fooled.

Now I’m confused.

And hurt.

And angry.

And sad.

And lonely, again, still…

Dreams are shattered, again.

Heart is broken, again.

So now I seek the Lord to find out why? What now? Did I hear wrong? Why doesn’t anybody want me? What did I do wrong? What is wrong with me?

And what do I hear??? “I’m not finished with you yet.”

Comfort, Peace, Hope floods in. Tears subside.

I hear it again “I’m not finished with you yet.”

Thank you Lord!

Thank you Lord!

Thank you!

My song for the day started with I still believe by Jeremy Camp then this one played…

 Walk by Faith by Jeremy Camp

Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace 

That is for me today…

I may be broken, but I still see His face

Oh these words say so much!

So I will wait now for His healing.

I will try to give praise in my sorrow.

I have forgiven and will continue to do so.

I will pray for him and truly wish the best for him.

I will grieve and then I will not.

I will learn how to be alone again.

I will live and walk and talk and pursue His dream for my life.

And I will LOVE… Even when it hurts, again.

Live like it...

I stand I stand in awe of you

I stand I stand in awe of you

To whom all praise is due

I stand in awe of you.

Jesus Calling devotional today…

I AM TAKING CARE OF YOU. Trust me at all times. Trust me in all circumstances. Trust Me with all your heart. When you are weary and everything seems to be going wrong, you can still utter these four words: “I trust You, Jesus.” By doing so, you release matters into My control, and you fall back into the security of My everlasting arms.

Before you arise from your bed in the morning, I have already arranged the events of your day. Every day provides many opportunities for you to learn My ways and grow closer to Me. Signs of My Presence brighten even the dullest day when you have eyes that really see. Search for Me as for hidden treasure. I will be found by you.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. He will drive out your enemy before you, saying, “Destroy him!” Deuteronomy 33:27

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “And will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place which I carried you into exile.” Jeremiah 29:13-14

In exodus 34 it talks about how Moses would spend time with God and his face would glow with the Glory of the Lord so much so that Moses had to wear a veil to cover his face. To me this is the awe we sing about. Only I really don’t think we would be able to stand literally but only figuratively standing in belief that God is working even if we don’t see the evidence of it.

The more time we spend in His presence the more our face and lives shine with His Glory as well. I have fallen away from quality time and I truly miss that.

Again, I find myself living by my feelings. I have been putting my desires ahead of my time with Him.

How do we keep balanced in our lives?

Word—stay in it!! Every day!!

Pray—intentional about everything!!

Do—be faithful to Him by doing the best you can every day.

Don’t put life or things or people before God. He is your number one priority.

Romans 12:1-2 msg

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Your life is an offering to Him. Live like it…

Learning

So this past year I’ve had the privilege to learn about myself in new ways.

I learned how debris from my failed marriage still haunts me.

I’ve learned that any story of my life is not like anybody else’s story and that is okay.

I’ve learned that I have to keep God my first pursuit and all else must come after. I’ve learned how much I need forgiveness.

I’ve learned that trust is hard when everything from my view looks deceiving if stop and pull back and look at it from a different perspective an issue can have a whole different meaning.

I’ve learned to lean on God and trust Him to fix things.

I’ve learned that when God gives you a word He gave it cause sometimes that is the only thing you have to stand on when everything else looks opposing.

I’ve learned to stand on what He impresses on me because He really is working to fulfill my dreams.

I’ve learned He hasn’t forgotten me.

I’ve learned He wants me to experience a fraction of the intimacy He desires to have with me.

I’ve learned that I can’t make plans or have expectations because His timing is so much better and disappointments from my self-generated expectations hurt.

I’ve learned that love isn’t emotion, or companionship or dates or fantasies.

I’ve learned that I may not have tomorrow.

I‘ve learned that I need to live life today.

I’ve learned that my drop in the bucket can cause ripple effects.

I’ve learned that encouragement is life.

I’ve learned a lot this year. It has not been easy. It has not always been good. But God always uses my life to teach me. He always turns my struggle into His victory.

Romans 8:28 (MSG)

^26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good

Jeremiah 29:11-14a (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.

Thank you Lord for teaching me! 

Waiting

Waiting…

So I’m in this waiting game. Well it’s not a game… it is waiting on God to do what He is going to do and trying to be faithful to Him in the meantime.

Waiting is not just sitting around doing nothing while God is doing all the work. No actually it is hard work to wait. To not try and fix things myself is hard. To not jump into what I think needs to happen is hard work. To trust God for the very next step is hard work. To live in “believing” and not in doubt is hard work. To speak life and not death over what is happening is hard work. The living day by day not know the what, where, how and when is hard work.

While waiting is hard, there is a peace in letting God do the work. And knowing that whatever happens He will work it for my good (Rom 8:28) has peace in it. There is peace in believing He has a plan and is working it all out. But it is hard to keep believing when things happen that doesn’t look like they are flowing toward the goal you think is in the future. It is hard work when it doesn’t come as fast as you think it should. It is hard work when doubt creeps in and slaps you upside the head.

So what does God have to say about it?

Lamentations 3:24

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

Isaiah 64:4

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.

Isaiah 30:18

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

Psalm 130:5

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.

Psalm 40:1

 I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.

1 Corinthians 4:5

Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.

Hebrews 6:15

And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.

In a previous writing I spoke of Abraham’s promise to become the father of many nations. He was old, dried up, and Sara was unable to have children, yet… God gave Abraham what He promised.

So while I sit here and evaluate… I know I must wait. I can either wait on God and live in peace… or I can wait in anguish and try to figure things out and live in constant turmoil.

It is my choice on how I wait.

I love the song by John Waller “While I’m Waiting” from the movie Fireproof. It speaks so much of what I feel.

Trust

I had wrote in an earlier post that God had given me Romans 12 to read almost daily for several months. Lately it has been impressed upon me that I need to be in Romans 4.

I struggle with feeling worthy. I believe this has a lot to do with a lifelong dream I’ve had that has not been brought into reality.

I’ve had to realize that my worthiness is not in what I want in life, but who I am. And by saying “Who I am” I mean who I am in Christ and who I am because of Christ.

This is where Romans 4 comes in to play. Abraham was just an ordinary guy who was old and couldn’t have kids, but God called him to be something beyond himself. What made Abraham such a tool for God to use is trust. Abraham trusted God!

I LOVE this line in the MSG version…

…But the story we’re given is a God-story, not an Abraham-story. What we read in Scripture is, “Abraham entered into what God was doing for him, and that was the turning point. He trusted God to set him right instead of trying to be right on his own.”  (1-3)

God called Abraham, but Abraham trusted God before, get that, before anything happened in his life. And then Abraham “underwent circumcision as evidence and confirmation” before God gave Abraham the family God had promised him.

“That famous promise God gave Abraham—that he and his children would possess the earth—was not given because of something Abraham did or would do. It was based on God’s decision to put everything together for him, which Abraham then entered when he believed…” (13-15)

“This is why the fulfillment of God’s promise depends entirely on trusting God and his way, and then simply embracing him and what he does. God’s promise arrives as pure gift...” (16)

I so much need this! I don’t have to be found worthy in order to receive wholeness. It is by faith and trust and embracing God for what He does I am to be found “Worthy” and then God can give me, as pure gift, what He knows the desire of my heart is.

“…Abraham was first named “father” and then became a father because he dared to trust God to do what only God could do: raise the dead to life, with a word make something out of nothing. When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn’t do but on what God said he would do.” (17-18)

I have felt so dead that I would have never thought I could be brought back to life, but as in Ezekiel He is bringing these dry bones back to life. God is making something out of nothing in my life. He can do the same with yours. Abraham could have been hopeless, he believed anyway. Not because he saw something, but because he trusted God and didn’t live in the hopeless. He lived with hope.

“Abraham didn’t focus on his own impotence and say, “It’s hopeless. This hundred-year-old body could never father a child.” Nor did he survey Sarah’s decades of infertility and give up. He didn’t tiptoe around God’s promise asking cautiously skeptical questions. He plunged into the promise and came up strong, ready for God, sure that God would make good on what he had said. That’s why it is said, “Abraham was declared fit before God by trusting God to set him right.” But it’s not just Abraham; it’s also us! The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless. The sacrificed Jesus made us fit for God, set us right with God.” (19-25)

I love that, “He plunged into the promise…” How many times do I plunge into anything, much less, something I have no clue on how, why, when or where it is going to happen. NOT! I might tiptoe in, but not plung!

So if Abraham can trust God and God made him the father of great nations… then why can’t I trust God to make my life worthy of His greatness? And let me tell you, He is doing it! He is doing it! He is doing it!

I am so grateful, so thankful, so blessed! I look forward to seeing how he accomplishes the impossible. It’s a God-story, not a Christy-story! I just get to live it and see what happens!

Hope

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness.

Sermon today was on hope.

My statement “I’m afraid to hope!”

Pastor Ron’s cocktail of lost hope:

          Unfulfilled expectations

          Fear that God will or has abandoned me

          Doubt that God can or will make a difference

          Anger over the position that I am in

          Unbelief and cynicism creeping in

I have felt all of these!

I don’t believe I’m worth having a relationship.

I have lost the hope that God really does have someone for me.

I don’t feel like I am “dateable.”

But God

He is working in my life.

He is healing places I didn’t know hurt.

He is bringing people around me that love me.

He is speaking truth into my life.

He is faithful.

He is worthy.

He is opening up my heart for possibilities.

He has shown me with so many “coincidences” that He has handpicked someone for me.

Can I trust Him?

Yes I know I can!

Do I have the tools to fight the enemy’s lies?

Yes I do!

Do I know what is going to happen?

No, but I do know that God has healed my broken heart before, and I know that He will use whatever I go thru for His Glory!

I am His!

And if my dream comes true, He will use that too.

And I will be forever grateful that He decided to give me the love of a Godly man.

Until then, I will Trust Him. I will serve Him. I will wait!

Thank you Lord!

The word God gave me for this year was "Courageous" and the verse He has been giving me is the 12th chapter in Romans. 

I knew this year was going to be a year of change. 

I knew this year was going to have some do or die choices.

I knew this year was going to be challenging.

I knew this year was going to be life changing.

I knew this year God was going to do Miracles.

I had no idea that what God has in store for me is beyond my belief. I always thought that it always happens to other people but not me... 

I. Am. Blown. Away. 

I have no idea what is going to take place. How it is going to happen. When it is going to happen. But I know it is happening! 

click, click, click, chink, chink, the pieces are falling into place. The safe is about to be opened. The clicks are falling into place and starting to resound into deeper places. Another day, another piece. A week later it is that closer to opening the safe. It is not open yet, but it is getting closer.

God you are amazing! Eph 3:20(MSG) God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

My ALL

A week ago I wrote this on a fb post...

Okay, so I've been in the Word more this week. It is changing me and there are already things happening in my life. BUT, I watched my Favorite movie tonight and it brought something new to my attention... Am I Giving My All To God? Am I Laying It All On The Field? Am I Holding Anything Back From Him?... That answer would be NO! I'm not giving to Him my everything, I am holding back from Him. I still fear rejection. I still don't think I'm worthy. I still go through life not living Fully Alive.

I am not saying these things for me, but to challenge You. Are you giving Everything to Him? If so, Fantastic! If not, come beside me walk with me. I want God to have complete control over my life! Even If...

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” Mark 10:26-28 

And here it is a week and a day later and I am struggling to keep this my priority. My brain keeps wandering to the things I want and desire. I specifically believe God is impressing on me to keep Him the focus and He will make me "attractive" and "desirable" to the one He wants me to be with. How much I so want to take over and do things my way. How do I stop this ingrained control? 

I want Him to be my ALL! My EVERYTHING! My every DESIRE! Yet I feel so powerless to control my thoughts. Even as I write this I feel Him taking over control. I ask forgiveness during service this morning and felt that healing balm seep into my soul. So I come before you Lord again, Please forgive me for allowing my thoughts and desires to envelope my day to push Your Presence aside. Lord I want You! You are my Lord!

It doesn't matter if or when there is ever a man that can love me. You are ALL I need! Please protect my mind to be the mind of Christ. 

One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp... stretching me, waking me up, breaking me, molding me, challenging me.

Quote "God is always good and I am always loved" pg 100

"Everything is eucharisteo." (Grace, Thanksgiving, Joy)

"Because eucharisteo is how Jesus, at the Last Supper, showed us to transfigure all things--take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness. I have glimpsed it; This, the hard eucharisteo. The hard discipline to lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty. The hard discipline to give thanks for all things at all times because He is all good. The hard discipline to number the griefs as grace because as the surgeon would cut open my son's finger to heal him, so God chooses to cut into my ungrateful heart to make me whole." pg 100/101

Make me whole Lord. Even if it hurts. Help me Lord to be faithful, to be grateful, to have joy and be full of grace.

Two people gave me a word today.
Person #1 as I walked in the door of church... God has got something for you today. (definatly paraphrased)

Person #2 after church while talking to friends when meeting one of their friends... God will do what he has promised you he would, I have to do what I'm suppose to do and He will complete it.

Oh yeah, a word was given to the church that fits as well... God has not forgotten the call that He has called you to. If that call may gotten off track, but it is still there.

All of these are words that I have been needing. I still have a call on my life and I know it, but where I'm at seems "weird" for a forward motion on that call.

I also sponsered a child today. CryofIndia.org If I am not able to adopt right now at least I can sponser one. I hope God will change her world. He has changed mine!

I love You Lord!

Dr Tony Evans says in his Daily Devotion on Crosswalk

His Glory Won't Be Shared

In His Presence: We all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit (2 Corinthians 3:18).

God will share His glory with no man. If you are not passionately pursuing the glory of God, He is not hanging out with you because He won't share His glory. The reason He has saved you, the reason He elected you, the reason you are a child of God is to make you part of the community of people called the church, which exists for His glory alone.

We are dealing with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, the Creator of the universe, and we just give Him the leftovers in our lives. We are reluctant to adjust to what He wants. We won't redo our schedules or our plans because this is our life. But to ascribe glory to Him is to give Him recognition and authority in our lives. Jesus said in John 17:4: "I glorified You . . . having accomplished the work which You have given Me to do." Remember also that Jesus prayed before His death: "For this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name" (John 12:27-28). Christ died for the glory of God.

Can you say that in difficult times you will submit to the Lord's purpose and trust that He will be glorified? God uses all things for His glory. Once we look into the mirror of His glory, we will find that He can transform our hearts, and whatever He wants us to do, He takes responsibility for providing for it to be done.
One Minute Please
Whatever you do in word or deed, He wants you to wake up, and go to bed, with Him in mind. And if you do, He'll transform you.

This is my biggest issue. I need to make God my focus of the day, not my rebound after I'm shot.

Lord help me to focus on You each minute and let You lead my day.

#1--"So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up." Galatians 6:9 NLT

#2--Don't be deceived. You are not under Satan's power or subject to his authority. You are in Christ above all demonic rule, authority and power.

#3--In our attempts to become more mature as Christians, we grow a little at a time. God doesn't expect us to be perfect right away. He knows that our growth takes time. The same is true of our attempts to lose weight. We need to take it a little at a time. Crash diets and heavy exercise programs are not the way to go. Our Christian growth should provide us with an example. Let us approach our diets with patience and take it a small step at a time.

#4--God can reverse every curse in your life - from the financial and physical to the generational and spiritual. The prophet Elisha would not accept payment from General Naaman for God's restoration of the warrior's health, but the prophet's servant Gehazi couldn't resist. He lied, took the payment and hid it. Elisha knew what Gehazi had done and rebuked him for jumping ahead of God's provision and blessing. Gehazi set himself up for failure, and his punishment was the curse of leprosy.
Seven years later because of God's divine arrangement, Gehazi was able to take and hide a load of riches from an abandoned Syrian camp. A changed man, Gehazi generously shared the loot with the children of Israel, and God restored his health and promoted him to the king's advisory board.
If you are wrestling with a curse, or have given in to its control, God wants to accomplish something in you greater than just getting rid of your problems. Put your trust in God and obey His Word, and you too, like Gehazi, can enjoy a comeback.

These are all from different devotionals that I read today. Sounds like a theme. Don't give up, Use the power of God, Grow deeper one day at a time, and God can turn your failure into His Glory.

After watching a webcast with Lysa TerKeurst, I am feeling very empowered to change my life. Please Lord give me the power to walk one day at a time in Your word, living with Your power, defeating the lies I've believed, and making choices that are beneficial to my health.

Thank you Lord, for I know you have heard my prayer and You know I want Your will for my life. I love you Lord!

Would you consider getting serious with me?

As like a man speaks to a love interest, "Would you consider getting serious?" God is speaking to me... Would you consider getting serious with Me?

When I went thru my divorce I sought after healing. I listened to teaching tapes everyday, was at every class that I could make at my church, begged God for His Presence and I got my healing. My broken heart was mended.

Now, I am still in the word, but squeeze it in at the end of the day. Tired and sleepy with the day's frustrations overshadowing God's presence. I live with Him everyday, but have shuffled life ahead of My Savior.

Would you consider getting serious with Me? Yes Lord, I would love to get serious with you... I know this means dying to self... Stopping habits that are not beneficial to me... Starting habits I have put off because they "seem" too hard... Living my every waking hour pursuing You...

Help me Lord to pursue You! Help me to break the chains that bind me. Help me to live deeper in Your Word.

Don't let me settle for my dreams, but let me desire what You have for me. For I know what you desire for me is far greater that I could ever hope for, dream or imagine.

I love you Lord. I want You to be my Everything!

Thoughts for today

I love to listen the WBCL's mid morning program. It speaks to me everyday, whether it be on marriage, singleness, health, relationships, anger, loss, or whatever, it always tugs at my heart.

Today's program was Dr Hawkins speaking on marriage and how a little offense can turn into a festered sore spot. How true is that?! One of my take away moments Lynne spoke about on her blog. "But celebration is marital Gatorade, providing refreshment and reestablishing balance to out-of-whack feelings." In my words, Fun is the replenishing drink after a long dry battle of life.

Thank you Lynne and Bekah for a great program.

Today, woke up early and lit the fire and read some verses and ended up falling asleep on the floor in front of the fireplace. woke up and continued my nap on the couch. I think my sleep is starting to get caught up.

Now I'm getting some homework done and soon will have to go get supplies for the dish to make for tonight's party. I'm praying to get everything done in the next few days so I can really focus on my final. I'm ready to get this semester over with but am really nervous about next semester. Lord bless my efforts with His design for my life. Thank You.